I'm Chloe, a French doula based in the helsinki area

I grew up on a goat farm, in Champagne, France. As a country child, I attended many kiddings. Births were assisted by my mother or father but natural.

All the animals at the farm had a name. From the dogs (Gamin, Romy) to the goats (Mirabelle, Myrtille, Suzanne, Davina, Karaté...) and billy goats (Sirocco, Bouba, Chantilly).

Animals were my and my little sister Elsa's friends. They were our equals. I had digested the idea that we, humans, are animals too. We are mammals, just like goats, cows, cats, dogs, monkeys and whales.

I gave birth for the first time in Winter 2012. The experience was traumatic to me. A medical condition dragged its attendant of interventions. I felt like an object more than a subject. I was a patient. Although I was admiring of my baby, it took me time to feel confident as a mother. My breastfeeding experience was an obstacle course which I had to quit out of exhaustion. I was self-critical with mixed feelings of guilt and envy. Looking at my child growing well and bonding with my partner helped me to see things from a positive angle.

Then, I gave birth for the second time in Autumn 2014. A natural birth like I had dreamt of. A wonderful and supportive team of professionals in the hospital. An involved and confident partner. An attaching and attached baby. A powerful birthing experience and a beautiful breastfeeding story. I felt like a queen, in the centre of the action, omnipotent and omniscient, pretty much like a goddess on Earth.

This second chance helped me understand that although we can't control the unexpected, we can surround ourselves with loving support, we can educate ourselves, we can control our decisions, we can accept and adapt. The force is in us and we can feed it each day.

Against all odds, in really funny circumstances and for my greatest joy, I fell pregnant at 40, after a heartbreaking miscarriage 2 years earlier. This pregnancy would be the last and I did everything to savour it and I gathered the confidence and funds to plan a home birth. Things didn't go exactly to plan but my baby was born fast and furiously beautiful and healthy at home, above the tub. Yes, you read it right, above the tub. That's another comical story to cherish.